“An only child? That’s just cruel.”

Jun 20, 2011

A great story in TIME (click photo to read it) debunks the “Only Child Myth” that they are spoiled and obnoxious. Though I’m sure my child will be both of those regardless of how many siblings he has. I mean, come on, have you MET his father?

During a night class for my master’s, I spent breaks shooting the shit with Landon, a friendly guy in the next row. He mentioned his five year-old son, and I asked him, “When is #2 coming? You aren’t making the poor kid an only child, are you?”

He gave me a look that told me he’d heard this spiel before. To his credit, he didn’t smack me, but I kind of deserved it.

Turns out the first pregnancy had nearly killed his wife at every stage — during the getting pregnant part (cysts and complications), the pregnancy itself (eclampsia), and finally during the birth (some sort of horrible snafu I don’t even want to think about).

Was he going to risk her life by having another child? No way, José.

For some people with secondary infertility  — the medical term for a woman who managed one baby with medical assistance, but her second try puts her back in the Can’t Get Preggers boat), the first kid cost them upwards of $20,000. They likely already have two mortgages, and banks don’t give third ones.

In those cases, a second kid isn’t an option financially. Adoption isn’t cheap, either. Others who are trying for Kid #2 endure miscarriage after miscarriage and can’t take the emotional toll any longer. Whatever the reason, people who choose to have only one child almost always have a damn good reason for doing so.

The message here is to keep your yapper shut about someone’s very personal choice of how many kids to have. Even if that number is ZERO. It’s their choice, not yours. If you want to lament their choice, do it privately and don’t be judgmental about it.

Face it — kids are hard work. Just ONE will make your life go all topsy-turvy. And not everyone is keen on that kind of disruption, despite the benefits.



(For a short list, see my ‘Dogs are, in some ways, better than kids’ blog)

About Me

Hiya! I'm Lydia. I live in Iowa with my husband and two children, both the result of iVF. I started this blog in 2011, so everything here's a wee bit... old. I don't do a ton of writing anymore... but I'm leaving the blog up, in case it's helpful for those who stumble across it.

Skip to the iVF

If you're going through infertility and want to see our journey, start in June 2011 (first two cycles) or January 2014 (third cycle). Hopefully reading about our rollercoaster with assisted reproduction brings you a little hope, and more than a few giggles. (Keep in mind that this information is over a decade old in most cases; please don't take anything you read here as medical advice. Consult your doctor for facts.)

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1 Comment

  1. yes! He should have smacked you!

    I’ve heard many times, “But you HAVE to have another baby!!!” Really? I HAVE to? Says who? Last I checked I get to decide how many children I squeeze out of my va-jay-jay.

    At least you recognize that you should have been smacked. 🙂 <3 you!


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